i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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