dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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