im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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