I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
