my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
