you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
