He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
