I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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