After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
