I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
