I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
