i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
