I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
