my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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