i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
