I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
