Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize