Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
