I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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