this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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