We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Boobs speak an international language.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
