so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize