I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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