the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
