His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
