Need sex. Gaining weight.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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