jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
