I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
As shirtless as possible
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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