If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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