how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
