Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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