so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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