I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
