I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize