I think I died a long time ago.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
