hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
