id be glad to
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
