The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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