Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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