Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
