so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
