only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
