So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
