Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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