'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
