Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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