It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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