I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
