I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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