My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dick very happy bro
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
