i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
