My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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