The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
