...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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