Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize