You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
