Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize