Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
