Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
