Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
