I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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