This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
