Dude my mom stole all your condoms
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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