can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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