i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
