Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
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