After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
