worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
