If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize