When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
