next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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