After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
