DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
