"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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